Monday, October 20, 2014

A Fierce Wife Unafraid to Stand by Her Man

Update (Oct. 24, 2014): after being contacted with numerous accusations of advocating abuse, please know this was not my intention with this post. This and all my marriage encouragment writings come from once broken and desperate heart. God does miraculous things through our most pained times. Abuse is not everyone's story, but if it is yours, please click here for help or call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

A fierce wife.

I'm not talking about an angry, contentious, intimidating wife.

I'm talking about a wife who has a strong passion for what is right. Have you ever heard of fierce loyalty?

That's what I mean.

So, now I wonder, have you ever been made feel wrong for standing by your man?

All because you chose to take God literally when He says to do as His word says and then acted on the full conviction you got from His Holy Spirit?

If so, then you, dear woman, are precious to His heart.

When It would have been ten times easier to end your marriage, or curl up in a little ball of defeat, or feed off the comforts and pity humans have to offer, you chose to get your fierce on and stand by your man

You've been scorned, mocked, beaten with words, and stabbed in the back by the very people you once had fellowship with.

You've felt a desperation few can withstand.

You've felt a desolation few can bear.

You have cried your pillow sopping wet far into the night, wondering if this pain in your heart would ever release it's choke hold on your throat. Or that hedge ball in your gut would someday travel up to your heart and there turn to stone.

You have wrung your hands, you have paced your floors, you have screamed at God, you have gotten angry at Him, maybe you have even packed your bags.

But when it came right down to it you knew deep in your soul that for you, leaving was wrong. For you, leaving was not an option. Deserting would only complicate matters, causing more pain, more desperation, more desolation.

Could you, dear woman, let that desperation drive you to the word of God? Could you let that desolation in your soul make you scramble in wild hope to the only place you dare look for it?

Your Jesus.

When you park your desperate self, right at His feet and you camp there till you are filled, encouraged, assured, and strengthened enough to take just one more step, you are well on your way to becoming a fierce woman.

At His feet you will be proven loved. Your wild hope proven right. Your cries heard. Your desperation eased. Your desolation salved.

If, there at His feet you are fully convinced that fighting for your man is the only option God wants you to pursue, be encouraged, dear wife! He will make you able. Maybe you cry out, “But its too hard. I don't even want to! Lord, give me some kind of want to!”

I wonder if He gently says, “I have given you a hope and a future. If you will chose the way I lead you, you will be supplied with blessings overflowing. I promise to fill you with strength and power. All you need to do is ask for it and I will supply.”

With that you drag yourself up. He has energized you and made you courageous. You are able to face that storm of scorn and look out at that sea of mocking faces.

You are human and you have a heart of flesh, so you will feel the pain when others turn their backs on you or treat you badly. But you hang on to your wild hope and fierce faith, braving the winds and gales of broken relationships. With your eyes set directly ahead on the promise of His prize you start nourishing the relationship He made in the likeness of Jesus and His Church. Your marriage.

Because you know, that you know, that you know, that your God is faithful and He will never bring you to destruction should you stay immovable and do as He has directed you.

So, dear desperate wife... you get your fierce on and you fight for your man.

You stand by him, fight alongside him, follow him wherever he leads your small band of a family. You praise and encourage his good works. You believe in his abilities to lead you, while covering him in fervent prayer. You forgive him when he is wrong and you forgive him first. You make his dreams your dreams. You make his home, your home. And you make his life, your life. >>TWEET THIS<<

Over time, you will emerge victorious. You will heal. Old pain will dim because the treasure you hold and keep building on far outshines it.

Over time, times change. Over time, people change. Over time, you've changed.

You've changed the story of generations to come, because you chose to wildly hope for a future. You chose to fiercely fight for your man. You chose to bravely hang on to what others deemed shameful. You chose to blindly, with eyes wide open in prayer, trust in your mans ability to lead, protect and provide for you.

All to disdain of people around you and to the horror of the enemy of your soul.

So, you get your fierce on, because no one can fight as hard for your man as a woman fully convicted that her God is able.

Her. (period, full stop) God. (period, full stop) is. (period, full stop) able. (whisper 'able')


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  1. Amazing post Kaylene! I know so many women must read this so I'm pinning it to my marriage board right now!

    1. Bless your sweet heart, Sybil! Thank you! Glad you found this encouraging! Xoxo

  2. Kaylene - I am impressed with your writing and inspired by your passion!

    I love your spirit and feel sure your words will be an encouragement to many.

    ...and yet...I also found msyelf very concerned...

    I love your passion for things of God and for a godly marriage. Yet, I know from personal experience that sometimes marriages do end in divorce despite our passionate pursuit...and sometimes that is the best thing...sometimes it is even God's perfect will for the situation...

    Yes, sometimes we need to passionately fight for our marriage. Yet, sometimes, we need to recognize when it is time to let go.

    Praying God's wisdom and discernment over you and your readers...

    Blessings to you, Kaylene!

    1. Yes, Joe, your words are so true. My heart goes out to you. I know there are many times marriages end when the parties are divided on the issue. God has given direction for those times and can bring beauty through those times. I trust you have found healing.

      This is meant to encourage believing wives in non-abusive relationships to seek the Lord in keeping their marriage relationship priority over all other human relationships.

      The Holy Spirit convicts each one according to His will. Sometimes we get thrown into circumstances we can't control. But, if a wife is fully convicted that she is to stay, no matter what others are saying about her for doing so, and she is not allowing harm to those in her home, or suffering abuse, this post is for those wives. I believe my readers can know and appreciate this.

      Blessings to you, Joe!

  3. Kaylene,
    Your post has helped me today in so many ways. Thank you for sharing it. I will be fierce! GOD bless you friend. :)

    1. Jenny, I love you. You, my dear, are a woman immovable. I have been encouraged & inspired watching you live this out. Hugs to you, my friend!

    2. Hugs to you also. Thanks & I love you to friend! :)

  4. So beautiful! I think society makes it so easy to just give up when fighting for your marriage is SO worth it! Speaking from someone who did and am so glad I did! We wouldn't be where we are if we didn't have to fight so hard to get here. We definitely know what we have is worth fighting for!

  5. Kaylene, I watched my Grandmother live this out in her life and it was always an inspiration! Thank you so much for putting truth out there. Blessings!

  6. Great essay, Kaylene. Husbands need the emotional support of their wives.

  7. Wonderful post! I'm engaged to an amazing man and I hate when people mock him etc. Why in our modern society has it become common to speak badly about your man?!

  8. Kaylene, I have seen the most broken of situations redeemed and yet there were Christians standing on the side questioning why the one spouse would stick with the other. When a marriage is trying to get back on track the last thing they need is questions. They need cheerleaders! I want to be a fierce warrioress wife who also cheers other marriages on, like you are doing here today. Such a great post!

  9. Kaylene,

    What I enjoy about your blog is that you are consistently encouraging others to look to the Lord as their source and filling so that they can be the helpmeets He calls them to be. Even if our marriage doesn't look the same as the next, 2 Peter 3 tells us to adore and to love our husbands as much as humanly possible. Sometimes it isn't easy to do that in my own human ability but with God I can love my husband better. Just as it isn't always easy to love me. :) I am thankful he give me grace, too.
    Thanks for being a cheerleader for loving our husbands passionately. We need that.

  10. Great message to "stand by your man"... I have been drawn closer to God every time I am challenged to follow my husband on unchartered paths... Thank you for sharing this message on the Art of Home-Making Mondays.

  11. Kaylene, Beautiful message to encourage women to fight for their marriages & for their families. I would just add that in times of abuse where both a woman and/or children would be in harm's way, this would not apply. Then it is time to seek safety until God changes the situation. Blessings!

  12. Fierce loyalty is important in marriage. I will remember that when its my turn. We don't seem to fight for much anymore these days. We're quick to throw in the towel and walk away.

  13. Firstly, I would like to totally thank you for linking up this post with the Faith and Fellowship Blog hop. I love your passion for marriage and for sticking together through the thick and thin of life.

    Beyond that, though, I would encourage you to make an addendum on this post. Too many women are stuck in abusive marriages - marriage that do not honor God - where the husband has already turned his back on God and his wife. Too many women in situations like that read posts like this and feel that they would be wrong to escape. They remain in horrific situations because they think it's what God commands them to do.

    Your heart is beautiful and I completely agree that women need to fight for our marriages - just not always.

  14. I love your marriage posts, Kaylene. Oh we all do need encouragement, don't we. I give thanks for 19 years with my man. I have a keeper, but that doesn't mean the enemy doesn't try to tear our marriage down every chance he gets! I'm gonna stay fierce!!!

  15. Thanks for your encouragement! Beautiful. :) I've struggled as well with the temptation to leave my man, with anger at him and at God - with most of what you talk about here. And I'm fighting for him and for us. So thank you for posting this. :)

  16. Thank you so much for yet another wonderfully real and beautiful post. This will be featured on my blog for Family Fun Friday <3 Hugs Kaylene! <3

  17. First: People seriously took this as you were endorsing abuse? Clearly they need to read it again (or like 17 more times.)

    Secondly: I love this post-- you make me fired up, fierce and feisty for my man! I want to stand by and defend him to our deaths. He chose me, God chose him for me and that is a call to fight for him.

    Thanks for this, lady. I really love your stuff. Just subscribed (finally-- been on my mind for weeks but I kept seeing something shiny and getting distracted.)