No Date Nights Allowed and What One Wife Did About It

I love quality time. Thrive on it, in fact.

I'd love a monthly date night with my husband.

But he doesn't. In fact, he's a self proclaimed “I-don't-date-my-wife”-er.

There came the day when I realized I had two options in this layout. I could get all “poor me” about it, thinking things like “he doesn't love me” or “he doesn't find me worth his time” and all the other things us women are prone to think.

OR, I could put on my big girl undies, and realize he loves me in ways only he can love me, and if that means one date night in six years, then that means one date night in six years. 

That one wasn't so grand and romantic anyway, considering the lady at the table next to us had a heart attack. That'll put a damper on just about anything.

Back to my two options.

If you've been a woman for any amount of time, you already know I went through option one.

It wasn't ideal.

I felt horrible for “not being enough”. My attitude made him feel horrible for not being a romantic prince charming who turns zucchini into Lamborghini, and whisks me off into the sunset.

Like I said, it just wasn't ideal.

So, I chose to hitch up those big girl undies, and find other ways to indulge my need. This is what I did.

I spent 6 hours preparing a rack of ribs, mashed potatoes and gravy, dressing, salad, homemade buns with strawberry jam...the whole nine yards. There was ice cream, cherry pie and coffee for dessert. I got out the fine china, not touched since our wedding, my most prized tablecloth, and the wine glasses to serve a delectable punch.

I added a pair of long stem candles and bam! all was set.

Our two kids were put to bed early, and I expected a grand evening with my number one.

The timer went off. All was ready to present to my husband. I was prepared to blow his socks off!

One glitch. The oven had decided to take on a mind of it's own some time back, and was baking at half the desired temperature. The ribs wouldn't be ready for another 2 hours and it was already 8pm.

I was devastated. Totally deflated.

What a flop!

I had a hungry man on my hands and all he wanted was food.

So, we ate.

In candle light. On fine china. Without the ribs. In awkward silence.

My husband somehow found the humor in all this and smiled. It was a teensy little smile, which he tried to disguise by taking another bite, but I saw it.

How dare he smile!

I couldn't hold back the tears any longer.

They spilled onto my napkin in silence.

We continued eating in silence.

He smiled some more.

In silence.

Now, please understand, it wasn't a mean smile. It was a gentle “It's OK, hun.” kind of smile.

But to me, he still smiled and this was no smiling matter.

Oh! In case you're wondering about his socks....they stayed on his feet.

We went to bed. He held me quietly while I cried some more. Every once on a while I could feel him smile again. 

And I'd cry a few more tears. 

Fast forward to the next evening.

In an effort to make up for the night before, I served his favorite meal: homemade pizza with cookies-n-cream ice cream.

As I was preparing the meal, which, by the way, took a measly 1 hour compared to last nights 6, I saw those long stem candles.

They seemed to mock me, daring me try it again.

So, as not to admit defeat, I did.

I got out the china. Set four places instead of two.

I got out the beautiful table cloth and the wine glasses. The leftover punch didn't have anymore fizz in it, but I decided to serve it anyway.

He came home on time, 10 minutes before the pizza was done. Just long enough for him to cuddle his giggling 1 & 2 year old daughters.

Then we ate our dinner.

His favorite meal. In candlelight. The sun streaming through the window. We sipped our fizz-less punch, the kids jabbering in excitement, trying to blow out the candles.

Punch got spilled from sippy cups, pizza sauce and ice cream got smeared across hands, faces and tablecloth, someone choked on meat and the other tipped a candle into the pizza.

Again, my husband got fed. Again, his socks stayed on. Again, he smiled.

And it was OK for him to do that this time.

Because THIS TIME held the quality I was looking for.

Since then, every time I'm needing a little quality time we have a pizza in candlelight dinner with the whole family.

Every single time, he smiles.

Every single time, so do I.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Speaking Your Approval

You love your husband.

You know it, he knows it, your kids know it, your friends and family know it....

But, sometimes in the day to day ruts of routine, you just take it for granted that everybody knows. I mean, you're still here with him! So, that should be proof enough that you love him, honor him, respect him....all the good wife stuff, right?

WRONG.

He kinda needs to hear you say it. A man likes that kind of thing. He won't ask for it. He might not even know he craves your approval.

But, he does.

And, one thing he does know is that when you praise him, life seems a bit more do-able. Things look just a bit easier. He likes that feeling; that feeling of acceptance.

You should be the one making him feel that way.

So, today pick one of the following phrases, and drop it on him just because he's your man.

Note, "just because he's your man". 

That should be enough for him to deserve a kind word.

Pick one! Say it! Mean it! Do it again!


#1. It will be OK.

This tells him you share the load of whatever life has brought.

That pile of bills. That unexpected vehicle expense. That medical emergency or health issue...whatever it is, it will be OK. You're there for him.

If the issue is self inflicted... it's still OK. He's probably embarrassed enough at his mistake. He doesn't need you to take a jab at him.

This will tell him you're still on his team. You'll get through this together, and be stronger because of it.

"An anxious heart weighs a man down,

but a kind word cheers him up."

~ Proverbs 12:25 ~

#2. Thank you for your hard work.

You like being appreciated. So does he. Part of a mans physique is to provide and protect. Carrying this burden then adding an unappreciative wife is like pouring salt on a wound. Thank him for his efforts and watch his morale be boosted enough to last a whole week or more. He might even be moved to finish that landscaping project he started a year ago!

This verse made me smile a few days ago.

"Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love,

all the days of your meaningless life

that God has given you under the sun-

For this is your lot in life

and in your toilsome labor under the sun."

~Ecclesiastes 9:9~

Make it easy for him to enjoy his "lot" of loving you, providing for you and protecting you by speaking you're approval of his "toilsome labor".

#3. Thank you for loving me.

Let's get it straight...you're not always the easiest cactus to love on.

This tells him that you think he's pretty awesome to still find you lovable. It also tells him he's doing it right. He makes your heart happy.

#4. I'm proud of you.

Well....aren't you? If not, you should be.

He likes knowing you approve of him- that you accept his flaws with his perfections. While the rest of the world will pounce on his first wrong move or tear him up about past mistakes, with you, he is approved of and appreciated. His heart can safely trust in you. A man finds much peace and rest in that knowledge.

So go tell him you're proud of him, just the way he is.

Because he's your man. >>TWEET THIS<<


Which one are you going to speak to your husband today? Or, share what you tell your husband to encourage him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Be encouraged!

Be inspired!

Take a virtual coffee break 

for your homemaker's heart! 

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I may be sharing with some or all  of these wonderful blogs...Hearts for home, Serving Joyfully, Jenni Mullinix, 3-d Lessons 4 Life, Graced Simplicity, Imparting Grace, Jennifer Dukes lee, Creative K Kids, Children are a Blessing, Joyful Homemaking, Homemakers Challenge, Family Fun Friday, 7 Days Time, Nancherrow, Create with Joy, Missional Call, Missional Woman, A Look at the Book, Christian Mommy Blogger

It's a Good Day to be a Mom

cereal meets floor

toilet overflows

toothpaste on the mirror

...it's a good day to be a mom.

pickle soaked carpet

applesauce on ceiling

raw eggs thrown

...it's a good day to be a mom.

splashing in puddles

mud matted hair

worms named Fred

...it's a good day to be a mom.

toasted cheese

mac-n-cheese

goldfish made of cheese

...it's a good day to be a mom.

cake batter dumped
gum in her hair
writing on the wall

...it's a good day to be a mom.

boo-boo's kissed

boogers wiped

showered in sneezes

...it's a good day to be a mom.

vomit on the stairs
pee in the tub
sweet slobbery kisses

...it's a good day to be a mom.

nap time

cuddle time

bed times

…it's a good day to be a mom.

swimming lessons

math lessons

life lessons

…it's a good day to be a mom.

hand holder

heart soother

fear chaser

...it's a good day to be a mom.

best friend

greatest coach

constant cheerleader

...it's a good day to be a mom.

happy times

tearful times

stressful times

...it's a good day to be a mom.

yesterday

still today

every day

you got it...

...it's a good day to be a mom. >>tweet this<<

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Enchanted homeschooling mom, Made to Mother, A Proverbs 31 wife, Moms The Word, What Joy is Mine, The Modest Mom Blog, A Mama's story, She Lives Free, Life of Faith, Marriage, motherhood & Missions, Cornerstone Confessions, teaching what is good, Rich Faith Rising, Diamonds in the Rough, wholehearted home, Hearts For Home, Jenni Mullinix, Graced Simplicity, Imparting Grace, Children are a Blessing, Joyful Homemaking, 7 Days Time

Five Minute Friday: Tell Me

Tell me of your greatest pain - I will tell you of my healing.
Tell me of your greatest fear - I will tell you of my care.
Tell me of your anxious soul - I will tell you of my kindness.
Tell me of your weary load - I will carry it for you.
Tell me of your greatest sorrow - comfort is what I offer.
Tell me of your saddened heart - I will tell you of my joy.
Tell me of your greatest sin - I will tell you "your forgiven!"
Tell me of your darkest night - I will tell you of my light.
Tell me of your weakest moment - I will make you strong.
Tell me of your falling down - I will raise you up.
Tell me or your riches - I will tell you of treasures unknown.
Tell me of your burdened soul - I will give you rest.
Tell me of your loneliness - I will be your friend.

Love, Jesus


Joining Kate Motaung and the Five Minute Friday community!

She decides on a word prompt.

Everyone writes for just FIVE minutes.

We post. We read. We love it!!!




Sharing with... Missional Call, Essential Things, Missional Women, Christian Mommy Blogger, A look at The Book, Nancherrow, Create With Joy, Counting My Blessings, My Freshly Brewed Life, Renewed Daily, Sandra Heska king, Faith Along The Way, Lisha Epperson, Janis Cox, Managing Your Blessings, Chronicles of Grace, The Beauty in His Grip, The Wellspring, She Lives Free, Soul Survivor 3d Lessons fro Life, Nancherrow, Missional Call,

Women's Ministry Derailed

Do you ever think or say things like.....

I want to impact lives.

I need to get more involved in the church, so I can do more good.

I feel like everyone else is doing more, and here I am, doing nothing.

I want to "get out there".

If so, I get that.

Maybe you're a mom, too.

While you're changing diapers, your friend is changing lives.

While you're wiping boogers, another is wiping away tears.

While you're feeding mouths, still another is feeding souls.

Everyone else seems to be hollering "all  aboard" the salvation train, then racing off into the sunset, so to speak, and you? You barely make it to nap time without derailing.

I get that.

The derailing part is my every day. For real.

Dear mom with no ministry,  You already have one.

It's staring you in the face.

It's that dull noise around you.

Maybe it's sitting on top of you right now:

your child.

The day your oldest was born, you stepped into full time ministry. Your child is who you'll impact the most for the rest of your life. The one who needs you most, wants you most, deserves you most.

Life changing ministry that involves "getting out there" is a glorious calling. But a selfish one, if it neglects the ones set in your life right now. 

You see, changing lives is rarely in the "getting out there". Rather its in the day to day. One step at a time. Maybe making it to nap time in one piece. Getting everyone dressed for the day; speaking and being the kindness your children thrive on.

Don't fall for the trap of  "I have no impact".

The greatest calling you'll ever have is touching the lives of those little ones tugging at you. Those tugs on your clothes should have the greatest tug on your soul. 

Your "right here" and your "right now" is exactly where you're supposed to be. Live in it. >>tweet this<<

Be their mom,

their cheerleader,

their trusted confidant.

Your greatest calling.

Your everyday.

Your ministry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Be encouraged!

Be inspired!

Take a virtual coffee break for your homemaker's heart! 

Click below to join today!

Sharing with.... Renewed Daily, Sandra Heska King, Oh my Heartsie Girl, Lisha Epperson, Janis Cox, Managing My Blessings, A Proverbs 31 Wife, Moms the Word, Create with Joy, Life of Faith, Enchanted Homeschooling Mom, What Joy is Mine, The Modest Mom, A Mamas Story, Yes They are all Ours, She Lives Free, Cornerstone Confessions, The Time-Warp Wife, , Teaching What is Good, Rich Faith Rising, Diamonds in the Rough, Juana Mikels, Simply Beth, A soft Gentle Voice, Joy Dare, Raising Homemakers, Wise Woman Builds Her House, My Daily Walk In His Grace, Holley Gerth, Woman2Woman, Messy Marriage, Wake up Wednesday, Rachel Wojnarowski, So Much at Home, Whole Hearted Home, What You Wish Wednesdays, Saving 4 Six, Children are a Blessing, Serving Joyfully, 3d Lessons 4 life, Jennifer Dukes Lee, M,M&M, God's Girl, Graced Simplicity, Jenni Mullinix, Imparting Grace, Eat Sleep Be, Creative K Kids, 7 Days Time, Missional Call, Essential Things, Missional Women, Christian Mommy Blogger, A Look at the Book, Nancherrow, Family Fun Friday, Create with Joy, Counting My Blessings, My Freshly Brewed Life, Faith Along The Way, Holley Gerth, Messy Marriage, Merideth Bernard, Simple Moments Stick

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